All I want to be is present

Had a question today asking about what my endgame was. What my motivation was.

I’m just curious what your motivation is to keep going with this stuff? What’s your endgame?

I wasn't sure what they meant by endgame. But I took it as: what am I doing the things I'm doing for?

Is there some grand plan or grand mission?

In the past I'd want to build a big company, a massive business, I bought into the Silicon Valley narrative. Not that it's a bad one but after a while, I learned it wasn't for me.

I learned what's probably a better option for me is to follow my curiosity wherever it goes (for now, it's technology, health and art). To set the foundations for raising a loving family in the future.

A loving family is the new startup.

Loving parents are the best step up a child can have in life. And let's be real, statistics wise any offspring I father will far outlive any company I build.

So there's a good reason for the things I'm doing. There's a good motivator. I'm doing them so I have the resources to start and create a family. To own a large piece of land capable of growing a whole human diet and to have control over my time.

Two weeks ago, I went away with my Dad.

I asked him about how having kids changed him. He said he began to work mega-hours to provide for us but if he had his time over again he wouldn't have worked as much and spent more time with us.

I said thank you and told him I loved him.

You're welcome, son, I love you too.

I've thought about it since. My Dad has dementia so I'm glad I get to have these kinds of conversations with him while I still can.

When I answered the endgame question I thought about it more. Starting and raising a loving family, owning a big piece of land. These are in the future. Fun to dream about and eventually enjoy (though sometimes the dream is more enjoyable than the reality).

But if there's anything I'd rather be, it's present.

Be right here.

Be right there to listen to my Dad when he tells me about his life.

Be right there to listen to my little brothers tell me about what they're excited about.

Be right there sitting across from a pretty girl sipping tea.

Be right there when my future son runs through the grass.

A few times lately I've caught myself drifting off. Thinking of something else when I should've been giving my full attention to someone who (or something which) deserved it. The highest of sins.

The above answers are good answers to the endgame question. Answers that sound good on paper. But they're future based. And the future doesn't exist. It's a later version of the present. Plus, if I knew the future with high precision, life would be boring. A known future is already the past.

My real endgame is to be present.

And if I do that right, the good answers will come.