Being Your Own Biggest Critique is Easy, Try Being Your Own Biggest Fan

Tomorrow happens.

I get up. I’m tired. I went to bed late. Distracted by my phone. Sophie was texting me.

Did she reply?

She didn’t. But there’s other red bubbles. More red bubbles. I tap one. Then another.

I’ve been up for 46-minutes. I have no idea what I’ve done.

I decide that’s enough phone time for today. It goes in the drawer.

A) $1000/hour

If there was $1000 on the table, would you take it?

Yes of course, I would.

How about if someone else was at the table?

They turn to you.

Give me $1000.

Would you give to them? I wouldn’t.

And if you wouldn’t either, why do you give away your time so easily?

Value your time at $1000 per hour. Would I pay $1000 per hour to do this?

Writing. Yes.

Random online internet surfing. No.

Seeing those people you knew 6-years ago buy a boat and go fishing with their new friends. No.

The list of things gets shorter real quick.

B) Keep the energy bar high

Tomorrow happens again.

My energy bar is already low.

Poor sleep and poor foods over the past couple of days have clogged everything.

My energy. Clogged. My gut. Clogged. My brain. Clogged.

How are the words supposed to flow whilst everything is clogged?

I decide I need to sleep more and eat better and begin at once.

C) What the hell am I doing?

A third tomorrow happens.

That’s three yesterdays with nothing. Three nothings. No words. Zero.

But my energy bar is full today. My phone is away. I’m ready.

I sit down.

The void consumes me. There’s a pile of it and a stack of thoughts. I’m drowning in thoughts. Too much. What the hell am I doing?

I spend 17-minutes trying to decide. I figure it out. I put a few things down. Lost in thought but found in the words.

Write. Read. Study.

Yeah, that’s good. Three things, that’s enough.

D) Time it

Reading got done but none of the others.

I’m starting to get this starting to get the hang of things.

Reading was good. My energy bar was high. Sleep and food did the trick.

It got me. Got me good. The books the articles. I got lost. Lost in the stories. They took me away. I want to create my own.

I was playing. In a field created by words and letters. I lost track of time.

Next time I must put a time limit on each one. Not too much. But not too little I can’t do what I need to do.

E) Playing

I set up a timer. I want these things done. I’m getting better.

A full energy bar. Valued time. $1000 per hour. A list of things to do. Look at me go!

The timer is running. 25-minutes of playing.

I learned it from the reading.

Writing is work. Writing is playing. I’ve convinced myself. They’re the same.

It helps.

I think if I can start here and then go there and change the story when I want, I’m in a game, I can turn it into a game. Writing becomes play.

F) Enough

All this time playing I finish exhausted. All of the list done. A depleted energy bar. Thousands of dollars of time and effort.

I lay in bed. Still intrigued where will my story go next? The best way to be. But I know I must rest. Sleep will help. Help me focus. Keep my energy bar up.

When I’ve reached it, I call it. 500-words. Enough. I’ve done a good job today. There’s more to do though. There’s always more to do.

G) My own biggest fan

Being my own biggest critique is easy. Not enough done. More this less that. Not good enough. I listen. It’s hard but I listen.

But I forget. I’ve done what needs to be done. 500-words. No compliments are needed but I give myself one anyway.

I say it again. I’ve done a good job today. Let’s keep it up. I say it as if I’m my own teammate. I am. I’m my own biggest fan.

I lay in bed. Still intrigued.

My list of what to do. Reading. Writing. It’s getting smaller.

My timer to help with the list. $1000 per hour.

My full energy bar. The sleep and food the bending exercises.

My phone away.

Being my own biggest fan.

These things help.

Tomorrow happens.